The courage to be disliked

How to free yourself, change your life and achieve real happiness

The Courage to Be Disliked is a Japanese book by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga about attaining real happiness.

It's a Socratic dialogue between a teacher and student that explores Adlerian psychology which has four stages: engagement, assessment, insight, and reorientation. The overall premise is that real happiness is a personal choice and doesn’t depend on what others think about us.

People judge—we all do—it’s instinctual and natural, but many of us spend too much of our lives trying to get others to like us, and trying to change what they think. The problem is that the harder we try to control these things, the more pain and suffering we will inflict on ourselves and we become unhappy. The trick is to let go of what others think and have the courage to be disliked. Seeking validation from others is a direct path to unhappiness and ruin.

This book changed my perspective and it’s stuck with me throughout the years because it serves as a reminder that we can only control what’s going on in our own heads and our reactions to life.